“I decry the injustice of my wounds,
only to look down and see
that I am holding a smoking gun in one hand
and a fistful of ammunition in the other.”
~ Craig D. Lounsbrough

3rd September 2020

Dear Renée,

In the last newsletter, I mentioned one of the necessary steps to take when “trying on the life of your dreams” is to face your resistance.

Change is challenging for most of us. As a result of this challenge, we sabotage ourselves so we stay in the “safe zone”. I didn’t figure this out until much later in life when I started questioning why I wasn’t getting further ahead. I was very entrenched in my comfort zone!

Upon closer examination, I found I was sabotaging myself, every time I was about to make the breakthrough. I wouldn’t go out and network, I wouldn’t make the calls, I got sick, etc. etc. The biggest one was I would always be coming up with new ideas to make it better and better so I wouldn’t launch! I was using perfectionism as a way to sabotage myself.

Turns out, my pre-judgments about success were stopping me from having the type of success I said I wanted. I had always associated success with lots and lots of money but yet didn’t like (unfairly) “rich” people. I also didn’t want the headache of running a successful business. Now that I’m aware of this, I have redefined success and reframed my long-term business goals to truly reflect the lifestyle I want. I’ve also included having a dream team of a few like-minded employees who will take care of all the ins and outs of running a thriving business so I can work as much or as little as I want!

So, are you sabotaging yourself from the life of your dreams including your relationships? Find out below.

Taking the LEAP with you!

Saving Ourselves from Self-Sabotage

When she was a girl, Lauren vowed she’d never be like her mother—harsh, critical, and emotionally unavailable. She was constantly judging Lauren's actions and behaviors and didn’t like it when she would do something outside of the “designated path” set by her mother. Yet, 30 years later, Lauren catches herself treating her own daughter harshly and constantly judging her for not measuring up to her expectations.

Cheryl loves developing her business. The only thorn is she hates after-sales service. She doesn’t handle complaints well and she is often late in answering any queries she may receive. As a result, Cheryl isn’t able to get repeat business on a regular basis to sustain and grow her business.

What Lauren and Cheryl have in common is the all-too-common disease called self-sabotage. It eats at us, creating a cycle of self-destruction with the result being we aren’t really living the life we want for ourselves.

Self-sabotage “hides inside us and toils against our best interest. If we don’t succeed in identifying and owning this sinister part, we can never be free,” says Stanley Rosner, author of The Self-Sabotage Cycle: Why We Repeat Behaviors That Create Hardships and Ruin Relationships.

Numerous studies show women are more prone to lower self-esteem and self-doubting thoughts that lead to self-sabotaging behavior. In Nancy Good’s book, Slay Your Own Dragons: How Women Can Overcome Self-Sabotage in Love and Work, she lists several signs of self-defeating behavior women (and men) can recognize:

1. Being overly passive, fearful, listless or indecisive, so that chances pass us by.
2. Having a chronically chaotic financial situation.
3. Being controlled by depression and anxiety.
4. Being controlled by compulsive behaviors to abuse alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, food, physical exercise, etc. Being compulsively late. Expressing anger inappropriately.
5. Being mistreated by partners and spouses. Being stuck in an unhappy relationship but doing nothing to change the situation. Having a series of unsatisfying relationships.

First step to implement change

• Recognizing self-defeating thoughts and behavior is the first step to change. Many experts agree that to change our behavior, we must change our thinking. Therefore, the first step is to observe our thoughts.

The next steps

• The next step is to take responsibility for our thoughts and behavior—so that we control them and they stop controlling us. If we accept that we are doing this to ourselves, we can also understand that we have the power to change.
• Self-observation is a powerful tool against the behaviors that defeat us. For example, Lauren could take her daughter to a career fair, being careful to stay positive, and to stay silent when she feels criticism rising in her throat. To do this, she would first have to decide that a good relationship with her daughter was more important than being “in control.”
• Setting a goal is the next step. Without blame or shame, choose one behavior to address. For example, Cheryl could decide to make a conscious effort to improve her after-sales support systems. To do this, she could recognize her customer experience includes before, during, and after the sale. Also, she could acknowledge she is harming her business by not getting client referrals due to her poor attitude. One tactic might be to implement a customer service management system to automate the process.  Soon, the rewards of offering great after-sales service will become greater than the dislike of customer follow up and handling any complaints and queries.

It’s not easy to change patterns of self-sabotage, but with time and practice—and a good dose of self-love—it is possible to end a self-defeating cycle and live the life we truly want for ourselves

How are you sabotaging your success?
What is one tactic you can implement to change your pattern?

Can you start doing it today?

The Buddha and the Badass by Vishen Lakhiani

I’ve just started reading this book and am really enjoying it. An excerpt from the back cover reads:

“Have you ever noticed how some people have all the luck? They move with fluidity and ease, nailing projects with a smile on their face. These superstars are often able to get in the zone, displaying remarkable focus and creativity. They are masters of relationships. When they do business, it's about win-win. And one of the most unique qualities they seem to have is remarkable luck. Things just go easy for them. This book is about how to awaken the twin powers of the Buddha--the spiritual master--and the Badass--the change-maker who challenges the status quo. You already have both inside you. Once awakened, they will transform the way you work.” Find this and other great resources here

FREE GIFT
If you know it's time for a change in a specific area of your life, but you aren't sure how to make it happen, this is for you - Courage, Risks and Reward: Taking a Chance to Change Your Life -  a 5-part Coaching Program compliments of The LEAP Network! Click here to download the program.

COMPLIMENTARY REINVENT STRATEGY SESSION

Join me in a one-hour complimentary strategy session to help determine how you can move forward in getting unstuck, and gain momentum to move in the right direction for you.

During our session, we will go over one or two exercises and determine the one next step you can take on your own after the call to keep the momentum going. Click here to schedule your session

Renée Blasky is the Founder and CEO of The LEAP Network Ltd.

After realizing her career in the financial industry was no longer exciting, Renée started her journey as a Start-up Business Coach by completing the Tony Robbins and Cloe Maddanes Core 100 Strategic Intervention program and she has never looked back!

Through her Get Results Without the Overwhelm Program, she loves working with new solo entrepreneurs to help them become the CEO of their companies. Using her unique process she helps them strategize, set stick-worthy goals, and implement an action plan. The program includes valuable resources to help them stay focused, create the right mindset, and stay accountable.  She also gently pushes her clients outside of their comfort zones and helps them face their fears so they can achieve their dreams. Renée works with her clients through various online courses, webinars, one-on-one coaching, and group coaching programs.

In addition to her own Get Results Without the Overwhelm Program, Renée is a certified trainer for Marci Shimoff's Happy for No Reason and Susan Jeffer's Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway courses based on their respective books of the same name. 

Renée, who obtained her CFA Charter in 1990, has over 30 years of experience in the finance industry and first entered into the world of entrepreneurship in 1997 after discovering several ethical lapses at her places of employment.  She decided it was best to start her own business so she could dictate the values and beliefs from which to run her business.  Renée's coaching clients are based all over the world, and range from various types of coaches, import/exporters, to direct line marketers. 

Learn more about Renée and The LEAP Network by visiting her website here: www.theleapnetwork.coachesconsole.com.

You can also send an email directly to Renée at rkblasky@theleapnetwork.co (not “.com”)

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